Reasoning is an ability to make assessments and judgements, draw conclusions, and form views and ideas. This capacity depends on our ability to hold several pieces of information in awareness and connect them in a way that is helpful to deal with an issue or situation. Our own inertia and preferences conspire against it though, so we will start by addressing lazy and biased thinking first, and then we will turn to objectivity and realistic thinking.

Lazy thinking

Reasoning can be seen as agility or fitness of the mind, which means that it can be strengthened through practice: the more you exercise your reasoning the better you will be at it. Moreover, as physical exercise makes our bodies firmer and nicer, exercising our reasoning capacity makes our thoughts nicer and more elegant. If we don’t do so, the opposite happens – we backslide into lazy thinking. These are some examples of lazy (sloppy) thinking:

• Over-generalising: making general judgements on the basis of limited experience or a few instances of a situation (e.g. misusing never, always, or all as in ‘He never does the dishes, it is always me!’, ‘All politicians are crooks’).
• Impulsiveness: jumping to conclusions without checking (e.g. ‘mind reading’ or ‘fortune telling’: assuming that you know what somebody is thinking or what she will say or do).
• Selective exposure: exposing ourselves only to information which we know beforehand is likely to support what we already believe (e.g. a right-wing person who reads only right- wing newspapers or relies only on right-wing websites).
• Rigidity: unwillingness to consider alternatives to an initial judgement or conclusion.
• Over-simplifying: as in the case of black-and-white thinking (e.g. vilifying one side of a conflict and glorifying the other).

Learning is so important that we are all born with a love for learning. You don’t need to nudge babies to learn, they just love it! However, this urge may be distorted in time, like our eating habits – we don’t always learn what is good for us, but learn junk instead. So let’s see how we can keep the flame of love for learning alight. Some tips for improving your memory will be suggested too, but let’s start with considering various learning styles.

Learning styles

There are four learning styles:

Theoretical learning is indirect mental learning. Indirect means that you learn from books and others. What distinguishes this mode from simple memorising is understanding. Understanding requires active engagement (questioning, clarifying, etc.), an enquiring mind and interest in the subject. This is easier if you relate the new to what you already know (make connections!).

Intuitive learning is direct physical learning – you learn by experience. Learning how to ride a bike is an example. Of course, others can help you and encourage you while you are doing so, but you have to figure out yourself how to keep your balance. This is why intuitive learning often involves trial and error (you may fall down a few times before you get the knack).

Practical learning is indirect, physical learning. You learn to do something from others or manuals (e.g. learning to drive). It is most useful when knowledge gained this way becomes mainly unconscious and instinctive. This is achieved through practising.

Moods are states or frames of mind with a global effect on our thoughts, behaviour and feelings. So, although moods can have a specific trigger, they are essentially an unfocused state without an object. Some moods are pleasant (e.g. feeling happy, enthusiastic, powerful, etc.) and some are unpleasant (e.g. feeling depressed, moody, despondent, melancholic etc.). We
can’t fully control our moods, but we are not completely powerless in this respect either. Research suggests that ‘individuals who believe that negative moods can be relieved through their own actions are more likely to engage in problem-focused coping strategies and less likely to report depression and somatic complaints.’(1) So in this area we will consider what we
can do in this respect.

Why moods matter

Good moods have a positive effect on mental and physical health, work and relationships. Some unpleasant moods may be useful too. They can make you re-evaluate your situation and initiate change. They can also bring you closer to yourself and help you discover some personal depths. However, some moods can be troublesome especially if they are too intense or last too long. Even pleasant ones can have some negative effects (e.g. they can leave an impression of superficiality or reduce our capacity to connect and empathise with others). Your mood can also affect how you see your situation: we tend to perceive or interpret the situation in such a way as to match our mood (i.e. if you are in a bad mood, you are likely to see your situation in that light).(2) Furthermore, we tend to attract situations that will confirm our mood. So negative moods tend to attract negative situations that, in turn, reinforce our moods – which can become a vicious circle. The longer this goes on, the more energy and persistence is needed to alter it, so let’s see how our moods can be addressed.

The first step: awareness and acceptance

Ignoring or running away from our mood is sometimes tempting but it doesn’t do the trick. Moods affect us even if we do not pay attention to them. It is observed that ‘although our moods may often escape our attention… they can nonetheless subtly insinuate themselves into our lives’.(3) So recognising and acknowledging that we are in a particular mood may be better. This can help us locate the

Excitement refers to the intensity of affective experience and can be associated with both positive and negative emotions. It is linked to the activation of the sympathetic nervous system and measurable physiological effects (increased heartbeat, pulse, perspiration and adrenalin level). Excitement influences our thinking, decisions, behaviour and emotional reactions. In many cases it is not emotions that cause trouble, but their intensity. This is why being able to manage excitement may come in handy.

The effects of excitement

Excitement is a surge of additional energy developed primarily to enable an organism to act more promptly. However:

• Excitement can be experienced even if an action is not needed or before it is needed. This usually happens when we expect or imagine something, and it may lead to a slippery slope if excitement and these images create a vicious circle.
• Intense excitement can diminish attention and concentration as well as lead to distorted perception and judgements.
• It can also amplify emotional responses (so joy becomes euphoria, fear becomes panic, anger becomes rage).
• Excitement affects self-control, can cause unpredictable reactions and increase susceptibility to influence.
• A persistently high level of excitement may even affect physical and mental health.
• Moderate excitement is desirable though, often sought to counter boredom. What would life be without getting excited? However, if excitement becomes a need or an end in itself, it can be addictive and lead to prioritising intensity over quality – which, in fact, increases boredom in the long run.

Evidently, excitement plays a complex role in our lives, so let’s see what we can do about it.

Emotions (e.g. crying, laughing, blushing, trembling, running away, shouting) are reactions to our feelings, so they are normally involuntary. However, most of our emotional reactions can be channelled in different ways, which will be the focus of this area.

Decoupling feelings and emotional reactions

The introduction to this Affective group highlighted the difference between feelings and emotions. Understanding this difference is important because it can help you gain greater control over your emotional reactions. Let’s say you react with anger whenever you feel hurt. If you realise that these two are not the same, you won’t need to react automatically any more. You will be free to react differently when you feel hurt or choose not to react at all. Now we can turn to those reactions themselves.

The ways emotions can be channelled

Emotional reactions are neither positive nor negative. They can facilitate or disrupt an activity, which depends on the way they are directed. Several such ways are suggested below (they apply to both pleasant and unpleasant emotions). This diagram can make it easier to remember them:

• Suppression or blocking emotional reactions can be useful if a situation or leaving an impression have priority over your inner state (e.g. when dealing with an accident or at a job interview). However, this should be only temporary as it has well known psychological and even physiological consequences(1). This exercise can help with unblocking suppressed emotions:

Feelings refer to the experiential, receptive aspect of an affect (e.g. feeling hurt, happy, confused, nervous etc.). The capacity to feel is one of the main distinctions between the animate (people, animals) and inanimate (computers, robots, cars). This is what it means to be alive! A common view is that feelings are spontaneous and irrational, and that we are at their mercy, but in fact we can, at least to some degree, be in charge of our feelings. There are four stages in this process (reflecting four already covered areas):

• Notice what you feel (Self-awareness)
• Accept what you feel (Relating to oneself)
• Evaluate your feeling (Self-evaluation)
• Affect the way you feel (Personal change)

Notice

We have a natural tendency to ignore or block our awareness of feelings that may not be pleasant. This indeed may be justified in some situations (e.g. in an emergency), at least temporarily. Generally, though, it is a good idea to be aware of what you feel for several reasons:

• Feelings are trying to tell us something that may be important.
• Ignoring feelings doesn’t make them disappear. Their influence just becomes unconscious. So, for example, you may start avoiding certain situations, thinking in a certain way, or develop some body symptoms, and you won’t even know why.
• Deadening unpleasant feelings deadens pleasant ones too. So by doing so you reduce your capacity to feel at all.
• We can’t do anything about our feelings if we are not aware of them! Awareness is the first step of being more in charge. For example, feeling hurt is often behind our angry reactions. If we want to have a choice rather than acting automatically, we need to acknowledge that underlying feeling first.