The sense of security is one of the basic human drives and unlike fear, for example, it does not always have an object: you may experience insecurity without a specific reason. This is because our sense of security (or lack of it) is mainly related to uncertainty. Uncertainty, on the other hand, can induce anxiety. So, before we turn to security itself, let’s consider anxiety first. We all experience anxiety from time to time, but many people nowadays suffer from excessive anxiety. Understanding what anxiety is and how to deal with it may be helpful.

Anxiety

Fear and anxiety are often used interchangeably nowadays, but to deal with anxiety better, it is important to understand that they are not the same. In fact, there is some evidence that they differ even on the level of physiological reactions, such as gastrointestinal activities.(1) The crucial difference is that an element of uncertainty, rather than an actual danger, is linked to anxiety. In other words, while fear has a clear object (we are always afraid of something), anxiety does not – it is an expression of our awareness of uncertainty: for instance, if a tiger appears in your room you will feel fear; if there is uncertainty whether a tiger will appear or not, you will feel anxiety. Here is a more realistic example of uncertainties associated with an exam: ‘What questions will we get? Am I prepared enough? Will I pass?’ You may be afraid of the consequences of failing, but your anxiety arises because of these uncertainties. Nowadays, there are a lot of uncertainties around, probably more than ever (regarding finances, work, relationships, the political and economic situation, climate change, you name it) – hence we are experiencing an anxiety epidemic. But this also means that anxiety is not a sign that something is necessarily wrong with you – it may even be good in small doses!

Anxiety control

Anxiety is not always unpleasant and can improve, as well as disrupt performance. If induced by uncertainty of the outcome of a game, book, movie, date or adventure, it is usually desirable and sought after. However, when anxiety is mixed with insecurity

This area covers mental dispositions towards events that are not experienced but anticipated. These attitudes can affect our mental state, performance and even our health. We will consider here three such attitudes: worrying (characterised by apprehension), as well as optimism, and pessimism (characterised by overall positive and negative attitudes respectively).

Worrying

Worrying can be defined as an apprehensive reaction to the possibility of an undesirable outcome. It has characteristics of anxiety (because uncertainty is involved) and fear (because it has an object). The object of worry is always at a space or time distance, so relief from worry through immediate action is not possible, which is why it can be very frustrating.

Is worrying really useful?

The emotional impact of worrying may help focus the mind on the problem. Goleman (of Emotional Intelligence fame) writes that ‘worry is, in a sense, a rehearsal of what might go wrong and how to deal with it; the task of worrying is to come up with positive solutions for life’s perils by anticipating dangers before they arise.’(1) However, not only are worries unpleasant, but they usually become circular and repetitive, occupying our mind to the extent that they, in fact, prevent us from finding a solution: ‘worriers typically simply ruminate on the danger itself, immersing themselves in a low-key way in the dread associated with it while staying in the same rut of thought.’ This, in turn, makes assessing the situation more difficult and can be exhausting – much time and energy can be wasted on worrying. Just think about the last time you worried a lot: did it really help?

So, why do we worry?

Despite being unpleasant and mostly useless, there are many secondary reasons why worrying is so common:

We need some confidence in many situations (e.g. at an exam, sports competition, first date, driving test, or when performing in front of an audience). So we will mostly focus on how to strengthen and fortify confidence, and touch upon overconfidence, but let’s start with what confidence actually is.

What is confidence?

Essentially, confidence means believing in yourself, believing that you are ok and that you will be ok, in whatever situation you find yourself. In fact, we all have confidence, but we take it for granted in many situations and usually focus on those in which we don’t have it. For example, you may take your confidence as given when you are with your family, and fret about a lack of confidence when among your colleagues. So, confidence is already there, although perhaps not to a degree you want in any given situation. The good news is that we can change our level of confidence and expand it to other situations and activities. The exercise below that utilises an associative link (see diagram) can be a step in that direction. The rationale for this is that we can’t change our level of confidence at will. However, we can bring an image to our mind at will. So, if we make a link between an image and confidence, by bringing that image to mind we can bring confidence too.

Picture confidence

• Recall an experience in which you have felt confident (e.g. playing with a child, dancing, chatting to a friend, playing football, writing something, cooking, etc.).
• What does confidence look like? Make an image of it (give it a shape, colour and location within the body).
• Memorise that image and bring it up in situations in which you need more confidence.