Coping is defined as an attempt to overcome or come to terms with difficulties or occurred losses. We will focus here mainly on coping strategies, but let’s have a look at stress and distress first.

Stress and distress

Two broad groups of situations require coping: losing situations that cause stress (e.g. running late for work), and situations in which a loss has already occurred, that cause distress (e.g. losing your job for being late). Stress relates to setbacks, distress to loss. Distress typically has a more profound effect because a loss cannot be prevented any more, but stress is far more common.

What triggers stress

Stress is usually instigated by your perception of a discrepancy between demands on you and your ability to deal with them. In other words, stress arises when there is a conflict between what you want or would like and what is actually happening. This means, for example, that you don’t get stressed when you are in a hurry but when you have to force yourself to stop despite being in a hurry. Such situations are common in modern society (waiting for a bus or lift, queuing, traffic jams, crowds, etc.). So, taking into account that something may go wrong, stop you or slow you down can go a long way – although it cannot eradicate stress completely, as things are not always predictable. Accumulated stress can affect our body (e.g. the immune and cardio-vascular systems), mind (e.g. the sleep, concentration), as well as relationships. Sometimes we use food, alcohol or drugs to deal with stress and distress, but the trouble is that they make us feel even worse after their effect is gone. Prescribed medication can be useful in providing a respite so that we can gather energy to deal with the situation, but they do not provide answers, they are not a solution. This is why we need coping strategies (to deal with both stress and distress).

Achieving refers to our ability to meet challenges and complete tasks. We are all born with the motivation to do so, although some life experiences may weaken it.(1) To increase our mastery over it, what contributes to each stage of the process will be highlighted.

Choose a challenge

To get most out of this area chose a task that you will keep in mind while reading and apply what you have read to (e.g. passing a driving test, winning a game, climbing a mountain). Try to pick a task of the right size for you. A task that is too easy may not be challenging or interesting enough to bring much satisfaction; too difficult a task may undermine your confidence and motivation. This said, there are ways of making big challenges manageable.

Making big tasks manageable

• A big project can be broken into several smaller tasks that are tackled in turn – this can bring a sense of accomplishment sooner and so maintain motivation. Let’s say your project is to sail around the world: one task could be to learn to sail, the other to save money to buy a boat, the third getting sponsors, the fourth sailing itself. But this is not all.
• Each task may be broken further into sequences. For routine tasks it is better, if you can, to start with the hardest one while you still have a lot of energy (e.g. if you are going to clean the flat, start from the dirtiest room). For challenging tasks start with the easiest sequence – this will give you the confidence to tackle more difficult ones if successful, or a more realistic view of the project if you can’t complete even the easiest part.

Assuming that you have chosen what you want to achieve, let’s now turn to each stage of the process.

Strategy is a general course of action (rather than a detailed plan). We often choose one out of habit, so it is common to be blind to some possibilities and recognise them only retrospectively. The purpose of this area is to reduce this occurrence. To do so, the basic ways of approaching problems are considered first and then a number of specific methods are suggested.

Facing the problem Problems

themselves are not a problem – we like them and create them when we don’t have them (e.g. crosswords, games etc.). The real problem arises when we don’t know how to solve them. But to be able to solve them, we need to face our problems first. Putting them off might bring temporary relief, but this often allows them to grow and makes things worse. However, it is usually not a good idea to deal with several problems at the same time, so when you decide to face your problems you need to prioritise. To choose which one to tackle first, take into account their importance and also which ones may grow if unattended.

What’s the problem?

Once you have made a choice, the first step is to clarify what the problem really is. This is often neglected, and it is more difficult than it sounds. Saying, for example, ‘I am not happy at work’ is not sufficient. You need to specify the cause of your discontent (e.g. ‘I am not paid enough’, ‘I am not getting along with my colleagues’, ‘my workload is too heavy’, etc.). If you think this is easy or that it doesn’t matter, try this example: John’s wife has left him, he is drinking too much, and is in danger of losing his job. What is his problem? (The prospect of losing his job? Drinking? Not coping well with the break-up? Something else?) Perhaps there isn’t a definitive answer, but there is no doubt that whatever you come up with will affect your choice of possible solutions.

Having goals is important, but to put them into practice (especially long-term ones) you also need sustained resolve. Resolve can be broken down into determination and persistence, so these two topics will be covered here.

Determination

Determination is resoluteness to do what you intend despite temptations, drawbacks, obstacles or contrary desires (your own or somebody else’s). In other words, it means not giving in to yourself or others, and following your goals despite internal or external pressures that go against them. This implies that nothing should divert you from acting upon your decision, except another decision based on new insights or information (e.g. you hear on the radio that the place you want to go fishing is flooded). This ability can be a great personal asset, because even if everything else fails, you know that you can always rely on yourself.

The first step – make up your mind!

Do you sometimes still weigh up your options even after you have taken an action? Once you are clear about your aim and start making steps towards its realisation it is not helpful to keep thinking about it. An overlap between deciding and acting (i.e. mulling over other choices after having already moved in a certain direction) increases insecurity and negatively affects the quality of performance.

Doubt, as a part of the process of assessing and deciding, may help you avoid mistakes and make right decisions, but it is unproductive when it interferes with the already taken action. Your state of mind can contribute to the sense of being on the right track, in the right place at the right time, which, in turn, increases confidence and improves performance.