There is strong empirical support(1) for the claim that interest (sometimes called the need for stimulation, exploratory drive, stimulus hunger – or simply escape from boredom) is one of the fundamental and universal drives among animals and humans. The term interest is used not only because it is more common than the other terms, but also because it has a wider (not limited only to sensations) and more appropriate meaning in relation to people.

Human interest does not depend only on external stimulation. Stimulation can also be internal, or of a different nature (spiritual interest, for example, may even require sensory deprivation). In any case, when this drive is not satisfied we experience a sense of boredom. Boredom is on the other side of the spectrum to interest, and can be an intense negative motivator so looking at it is worthwhile too. The aim of this area is to enable you to increase control over these related phenomena.

Boredom

Being in charge of boredom is important because bordom can make us do what we really don’t want to and can make us unhappy. So let’s examine first when we get bored.

When do we get bored?

Generally speaking there are two categories of such situations:

• We are bored because nothing is happening (‘I have nothing to do!’ feeling).
• We are bored because of what is happening (e.g. we feel that a task, movie, lecture, conversation, or activity is boring).

Before we consider these categories in more detail, it is important to remember that interest and boredom do not depend only on circumstances but also on ourselves: both are, to a large degree, in the ‘eyes of the beholder’.

Openness is often associated with either open-mindedness or frankness. These meanings are addressed in the areas Inner structure  and Intrinsic relationships respectively. Here, the term signifies permeability between oneself and the world. Therefore, this is not only about cognitive openness or talking openly to others, but openness to our experiences in general. Being able to regulate openness can significantly affect our quality of life, so this will be the main focus of this area.

What openness is

It may sometimes feel as if we have ‘holes’ or ‘cracks’ in our personality. These are usually the result of unresolved personal conflicts or unhealed wounds and they make it difficult to become a harmonious whole. They often cause oversensitivity and tension, which in turn lead to putting barriers between oneself and the world. Openness is different. It refers to the permeability of the person as a whole that facilitates exchanges with the environment. Openness enables us to transform sensations into personal experiences – in other words, to internalise the external world. This is how we make an experience our own.

Why it is important to regulate openness

Some experiences can increase our energy while some can drain it away, so being able to regulate to which ones and to what extent you open up may be important. This is not straightforward though. If we are not careful, certain situations can make us open up or close down when we don’t want to or more than we want to. Also we may develop the habit of being too open or too closed, and respond to situations inadequately in this respect. We will see soon what we can do to be more in charge of this ability, but we ought to consider first why, when and to what extent to open up.

Feeling alive or a sense of aliveness is nurtured through the fullness and richness of our experiences. Not only does this enhance our quality of life but it also makes us more alert which, in turn, can help us manage any situation better. No doubt that harsh circumstances (e.g. overwork) may have an adverse effect on this area, but favourable circumstances do not guarantee a sense of aliveness and the quality of our experiences. For example, research shows that after a certain basic level, material wealth has a very small effect on personal feelings of well-being and happiness.(1) But you don’t need research as evidence for this. We all know that a sense of emptiness is not rare among materially privileged people, while others in quite deprived situations have managed to lead fulfilling lives. What really matters is how we relate to our experiences, and what we make out of them. This is going to be the main topic of this area. Risk taking, which is closely linked to this subject, will also be addressed.

The ways of enhancing our experience

Experience can be enhanced through:

• Diversity (quantity): trying a number of different things, striving to have more and more different experiences.
• Variation (quality): varying the same experience, discovering greater subtlety or complexity in the familiar.

For example, you can try several sports or enjoy playing one better and better; you can listen to different tunes or listen to the same song a number of times; you can have many partners or have a deep relationship with one person. Diversity can be enriching because of the element of novelty and is linked to enhancing the intensity of experience (excitement). On the other hand, ‘variation on the same theme’ may have a greater effect overall as it is likely to provide more depth. This is not to say that one is better than the other. The exercise below is an encouragement to try both:

This area focuses on our ability to tolerate unpleasant experiences such as pain, hardship, noise, etc. This is what resilience is: the power and control over the effects of such experiences on us. Everybody, without exception, occasionally goes through some unpleasant experiences, so it is common to create mental armour to protect ourselves. This doesn’t always work though and also decreases our sensitivity towards good experiences. Let’s see if there are more constructive ways to deal with such experiences.

What reduces resilience

The following attitudes can make us less resilient:

• Poor physical state: being unfit, ill, hungover, hungry or lacking sleep understandably makes us less resilient.
• Becoming oversensitive is easy if we develop a sense of entitlement and neglect exercising the muscle of resilience.
• Expectations are a big culprit in this respect: if you expect that you will never have an argument with your partner, that your bike will never have a puncture, or that life will always be fair, you are bound to be disappointed and overreact.
• Exaggerated self-importance: those who think that they are the centre of the universe easily get upset when reality proves that they are not.
• Self-pity reduces resilience as it already implies resignation, giving up. It also amplifies negative feelings and never helps.
• Getting upset or angry: this is a fairly common response, but actually, it doesn’t make you feel better and can make things worse (in more than one way) for others and/or yourself. g) Feeling powerless, as it amplifies the negative effects. h) Avoidance: avoiding potentially upsetting situations not only decreases resilience but limits your freedom and choice.